Adimurti
Quote:
Challenger: knight_of_chivalry
Defender: Adimurti
Bet: 2k
Judge: Zero
Form: Haibun, Senryu
Context: Open
The bass-toned air dove through the snips that littered his cuticles, running chills up his arms and raising every hair as it passed - the perfect contrast as her heated hands drifted dreamingly across his skin. The speakers thrashed and thumped: a verbatim, mocking his throbbing chest and shaking his stomach until acids tingled his tongue[sils]. Strobes, terrorizing his senses, closed in with the barbarity of gunfire and blackened his sight from the hunted - foxtrotting through mists of body-heat and hormones condensed on her gleaming features.
Biting the bullet brings more than gun-smoke, stinging his throat and straining his diaphragm to move after the first
boom boom click of it exploring his gums and crumbling his teeth (ashes to ashes)
rust breeds rust -
contaminating his lips
under her oiled grin.
knight_of_chivalry
Foucault’s Untitled Love Poem
Sitting in the university common room, I wait. I’m sitting near a series of windows, vaguely noticing them brimming with nature. I adjust my shirt for the thirtieth time, and watch the doors nonchalantly. A few minutes later they open, and I wait for the galaxy to walk through.
I sense her: with surreal realization I can feel her sing in a myriad of unspoken languages. My lungs dance to the rhythm that accompanies her, the beat rocking out my veins and capillaries, celestial drums firing up the synapses, the pulse of her heart collapsing mine. A piercing smile burns through me, lacerating my stomach and making every lining scream. My head spins and I grip the table, watching the world become elevated above colour.
Suddenly, I understand why black holes are so possessive.
Mort n’existe jamais;
Seulement un end
roit language
feels, not just describes.
*translation*
Death never exists:
Only a place …
Okay, okay, okay.
I just need to say something about this, real quick:
Both of these were amazing. I could crit them all day long and kiss a whole lot of a**, but I'm not going to. I'm simply going to state who the winner is and why.
The winner, beyond any shadow of a doubt, is Adi.
The why:
With heavy use of clever words and alliteration, his piece just astonished the s**t out of me. The topic grabbed me from the outset and the bleak feel of the piece compelled me to read it several times over. I'd go so far as to say that it's the best thing I've seen written in these forums in at least a year, including my own failed attempts at what I so naively call writing. By God, ********.
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